The Saddest Valentine’s Day
Last Valentine’s Day, I did the saddest thing possible: went to the movies alone, came home, and lay in bed scrolling through Instagram.
My feed was full of roses, candlelit dinners, couple selfies. I kept thinking: what’s wrong with me? Why does everyone else have someone to love, and I’m alone?
That night, I defined myself as: Sarah, the lonely, the failure, the unwanted.
A Gift from My Best Friend
Three months later, my best friend gave me a Highlight Time. Inside was a small, rounded thing, like a pebble. In my palm, it felt warm, soft.
“I’m suggesting you learn to be good to yourself,” she said. “You’ve spent so much time waiting for someone else to love you. Maybe start with loving yourself.”
The Night Everything Changed
- I put it on my nightstand and left it there for two weeks. Every night I’d think: should I try it? Isn’t it kind of sad to use this alone?
- Until one night — worked until 2 a.m., exhausted. Couldn’t sleep. Mind racing.
- I reached for it. Just turned it on, held it in my palm, felt that gentle vibration.
- Then I put my other hand on my chest and felt my heartbeat. One, two, three. Two different rhythms, but both “me.”
- For the first time in 32 years, I truly felt: I’m here. I’m alive. I have a heartbeat. I deserve to be treated well — by myself.
Date Night with Myself
The Weekly Ritual
Now, every week I schedule a “date night” with myself. Phone off, candles on, music playing. A bath, body lotion, slowly massaging my arms and legs. Then, I pick up that little thing and spend some time with myself.
The Person Who Never Leaves
Sounds silly? Maybe. But it’s more fulfilling than any dinner date I’ve ever had with a guy. Because the person I’m dating is me. And she never stands me up, never leaves me on read, never makes me question if I deserve to be loved. She’s just there. Always there.
My Highlight Time: not something I waited for, but something I gave myself.
